Leave a Message
by AlexHamato
Summary: Beep. Beep. Beep.


_This was originally going to go into my "It Only Takes a Word" series... but it became too big. Usually I just try to put in simple little scenes in that series. Nothing too big that could stand alone, well... I think that this can. For those you have read "Carpe Diem" you could think of this as a prequel to that, but that may not be the case. This is really more ambiguous and you can take it either way. I just had to post it by itself. I'm not sure how to label this piece, but I'll do what I can. Heh. I - I don't know. I almost found this therapeutic, really. I'm sure I'm not the only person who's lost touch with their family._

_I do not own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Nickelodeon does._

* * *

"_This is April O'Niel, I'm not in right now so just leave your name and number and I'll try to get back to you whenever I can. I don't remember if I say to wait for the beep or the machine just does it. Um, beep?" _

"Hey April, this is Mike. Has any of the others been by your place lately? I know I should probably stop calling so much and actually leave like they did, but you know how that works. I have a bad habit of talking until the message is totally used up and I'm sorry if all my other messages clogged up your answering machine, since I don't know if it's like your cellphone and stops after awhile. Oh, and your cellphone voice mail is full, just so you know. I think that Klunk needs to get to the vet because he keeps on peeing while he walks and he never did that before unless I forgot to clean the litter box. You know what a diva he is. But he's old so I'll forgive him. I guess I'm getting up there in age with the big two - one coming up. Does that mean that I can drink legally? Because we've all being doing it for years and I don't think it really matters. They know it's coming, right? I forget sometimes even though it's on Christmas so that I get double presents, but I'm sure they'll make it. Did you catch that last chick snowboarding in the X-Games? Totally awesome technique. I think her name was – "

_Beep. Beep. Beep_.

* * *

"_Don. It's your dime." _

"You do know people haven't actually used payphones in like forever, right? Anyways, just wanted to call again to make sure that you're coming. Or that you're there. Just wanted to make sure that you're alright and didn't forget me… In a funny way, you know? Ha ha? Yeah, it's not that funny. I've been trying this Bob Hope impersonation that's – "

"Mikey, what are you doing? It's ten in the morning where I am."

"Isn't that when most people wake up, dude? Breakfast is usually made and eaten by then."

"You know I sleep in. Besides, I thought I sent you that text message yesterday. Did you not get it? The reception here is awful. You would think Northern Siberia would have better service."

"Yeah, you really shouldn't use text lingo so much. It's kind of creepy. I don't think that you're supposed to put 'lol' after every sentence. Especially when talking about mummies frozen in ice."

"My call log is telling me that you've called… forty-six times!? Is that even possible? No wonder my vibrator is broken on this thing. Next time I'll steal an HTC instead of an Apple product. Do you know what server Karai uses? Probably Apple. Damn."

"I just wanted to make sure that you were okay, is all."

"I send you texts quite frequently. I don't like talking on the phone. It takes too much time and effort."

"Right. Because digging up and studying dead guys from ten-thousand years ago is way more fun than talking to your own brother."

"Of course."

"That was sarcasm, Don! You're not supposed to take it literally!"

"This subject still had his clothing intact! I believe he used to shepherd an ancient species of yak across this area. His undergarments are made of the thick fur and I'm going to try to test it for DNA and compare it to the modern day yak. Or cow, whichever is easier to purchase from eBay."

"Don… Donnie, look – you're coming, right? You'll be home for Christmas?"

"Yes, yes. I should be there. If not, I'll send you a post card. I would send you an ear or finger from this guy, but I don't think that the flesh would keep it's shape long enough for transport. The climate is doing wonders for preserving the remains! I'm so excited to cut open his stomach! I wonder what his last meal was."

"… Okay…"

"Don't sound so depressed, Mike. You agreed with all of us that we were going to take our separate ways for some time. You're the only one who's still living in the old lair. You should get out more. I would offer to have you join me, but I have a feeling you would be bored. That and this dependency issue that you have is best taken care of now, rather than later. I'm sure you understand."

"Yeah, I do. Thanks, Donnie."

"Good. Text me if you want to talk. Bye."

_Click_.

* * *

"_Leave a message, unless you are an enemy of my clan. Then you can fall on your swords or repent your evil ways. Either way, I will get my hundred-year-old Bonsai tree back. That's for you, Karai. I know where you live." _

"Dude, you still haven't taken down that message? It's been four years! Let it go! Unless you just haven't figured out how to work your phone yet, which is what I'm thinking. Is that why you don't call back? I know that you know how to work your voicemail because it was full two days ago but I can leave another message today. Don keeps on sending me creepy pictures of dead guys and I think that his brain has turned to frozen sludge or something because now he can't spell anything right when he texts me. And I never want to see another dude's stomach open with 'lol' as the caption. I don't think that Don knows what 'lol' actually means. Is Splinter okay? I know that he was in rough shape last I heard and was going to make a trip over there to Japan, but couldn't find a good freight ship out. That and it takes like a freaking month and I need to watch over the lair incase Karai tries to take over, or something. Maybe I can get her to clean up all the cat poop that's everywhere. I think Klunk might die soon, he can't seem to control his – "

"Mikey, you need to stop doing this."

"Leo! You answered! I was worried there for a sec."

"I thought we agreed to limit our talks to once a week? I have a lot going on over here."

"How's dad? And what do you have going on? It's not that Shaman cursing at your sheep again, is it? And I saw that newsfeed on Facebook, anime characters in rice is totally NOT considered a crop circle. So you're good there."

"Dad has… been better. He's really liking this one little sheep who I've named Gandalf. He's the runt of the litter and likes getting under our feet all the time. Or are sheep a flock? A herd? I'm not sure, actually. They smell pretty bad, but I grew up in a sewer, so it's not as if I can't handle it."

"That's cool. Yeah, I was just saying in the message that Klunk is probably going to die soon. I thought he would live longer, really. He's not that old for a cat. Is ten years old for cats?"

"I'm not sure. I'm sorry about your cat, Mike. Maybe you should take him too – Dad! No! Take that out of your mouth!"

"Leo? What's going on? Is Dad having another episode?"

"It's fine, it's fine. He was just biting Gandalf. It's – I can handle this, Mikey. Don't worry about it. He's been doing a lot better since he's outside more, now. He likes the sun a lot."

"I'm sorry, Leo. If you want, I can come there to help – "

"No! No, it's fine. I said it's fine, alright? I can handle this. It's my duty. Besides, don't you have that book you're writing? How's that going?"

"Romance is kind of hard to write when you don't have any experience, dude. Are you sure that you're okay? How many times a day is he having his episodes?"

"Off and on, it's really hard to tell with it ranging so much in what he does."

"Oh, okay. Right. So, about this Christmas, do you think – "

"Stop that! Sorry, Mike. I've got to go. I think he scratched himself again. I'll call you when I can."

_Click_.

* * *

"_I'm not dead yet. This is my new phone that I just set up and if this is Mikey, I don't want the entire voice mail full when I check it every time. Keep the message short or send me a text. To Don – STOP SENDING ME PICTURES OF GIANT BUGS! I don't care if they're some super rare species only in Russia! Stop it! Leo, if this is you, tell dad that I'll try to stop by sometime next month. I'll show him how to kill a gator. Shit, now my message long and stupid. Just say whatever. I don't care." _

"If you answered I wouldn't have to leave voicemails! And I know that you just listen for two seconds, hear that it's me, and delete it. You used to do that when you lived here, too. I'm not that stupid. When can I come down to Florida? I've always wanted to surf. You still haven't told me where you live. I could cook gator good enough to be served to Michelle Obama, dude. I've decided to base the main character in my book after you since you have the most issues and people love characters with lots of issues and conflict and stuff. You won't care that the character is a chick, right? She has red hair and big boobs and a pet turtle named Slash who – "

"Are you leaving me another long-ass voice-mail?"

"Um, no?"

"So if I check my inbox, I won't hear you going on for three minutes about the cat? Because if I do hear that, I'll have to come up there to kick your ass."

"You will!? When? Like, this week?"

"Never mind. I didn't – uh, it was like a rhetorical threat. You're supposed to just go with it, Mikey."

"… So you're not coming up?"

"No."

"Oh, okay. That's cool. What about Christmas?"

"I dunno, okay? I just need to get my shit together."

"Oh, okay. That's cool. How was your day?"

"Good."

"Uh-huh. Did you do anything fun lately?"

"Not really, no."

"That sucks. Um, how's the weather down there?"

"Hot and wet. It's the Florida Everglades, man."

"Right. What did you do last night?"

"Nothing."

"And the day before that? Or this past week?"

"Nothing."

"Huh. What did you eat this morning?"

"Gator. Same as always."

"That's… nice, I guess. So, Raph, um…"

"Look, Mike, I'd like to chit chat more but I've got to go. I think an anaconda is trying to eat my tortoise. I'll let you go."

_Click_.

* * *

"_Mike here, leave a message as long as you want because I check them every day and my inbox is never full. Hint, hint, dudes." _

"Don here - or in Pakistan, actually. You know what I mean. I haven't received a text in almost a month, so I thought it time to actually call. Oddly, you didn't answer. I've never been good with leaving messages, so I'll just go and will expect to hear back from you… but maybe I should fill in on what I've done. Since I haven't received a five-minute long message from you in such a long time. Well, the hike up the K2 Mountain took much longer than I previously estimated, but it is the second tallest in the world, so it is understandable. I am currently traveling through the desert area of this country and somehow I fell asleep next to a nest of baby scorpions. I'm not dead, surprisingly, but my face was swollen for several days and was another cause for me not calling you. Not that I am using my near death as an excuse, of course. I have more tact than that. But remember, a scorpion's poison is most lethal after birth. Just to make that clear. Oh, and I found a beaded necklace made from an old Pakistani woman, that I believe you would like. It's very orange and yellow and bright. Just your style. I am assuming that you are still living in the old lair, right? I'm not sure how I'll mail this to you yet, since I know that April moved to New Hampshire with Casey several months ago, but I will figure something out, I promise. I sent the pictures of the scorpions to Raph and he texted back – "

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

* * *

"_Mike here, leave a message as long as you want because I check them every day and my inbox is never full. Hint, hint, dudes." _

"I thought you would have responded by now. I know it's been a little over a month since I called, which is my fault and I am so sorry for that, but I'll have you know that the Shaman who would curse at my sheep is actually a former neurologist. He was disbanded from being a medical practitioner for his drinking habits, since he accidentally cut down a patient's corpus callosum while intoxicated. Or 'just a bit tipsy' as he prefers to put it. Normally I wouldn't resort to such means, since he is obviously an idiot, but he removed a tumor from the brain of one of my sheep already, so I think he knows what he's doing. Hopefully I can get dad fixed up then and we can be back by Christmas. We still have a few months, so don't worry about it too much, okay? I'm not sure what else to say. I never understood how you could talk nonstop for so long, but I guess you could say that I wish I saved those messages instead of deleting them right away. Not that they're not important, all of you are important to me, of course – I just have higher priorities and I know that you'll be okay in the end and can handle yourself. I know this sounds really cheesy and you would make some joke about cutting the cheese and whatnot, but I just wanted you to know that I think of you often and that I love you and I would never forget your birthday for the world, okay? So just hang in there and I will be there, with dad, by Christmas. I swear to you. Oh, and if Klunk is still having the urinary issues, I've looked it up on Google and it says too – "

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

* * *

"_Mike here, leave a message as long as you want because I check them every day and my inbox is never full. Hint, hint, dudes." _

"Do I sound like a chick to you? Why do I have big boobs? Whatever. At least I'm hot, right? You're writing her as being really hot? Don't make it turn out like that 50 Shades of Bullshit that you used to read when we were younger. Or do you still read that stuff? At least you got over that Twilight. I think. I dunno. You can like whatever you want, I don't care. You're still Mikey and I haven't heard from you in awhile and stuff. I found all my other phones, Slash has been eating them. Yeah, I named the tortoise after what that chick in your book named her turtle. Figured you'd like that. I know I suck at talking on the phone but I never do anything interesting and I know I'm boring and there's nothing that you would want to hear anyways. That's why I never talk much. But I guess I'm talking now because it's been almost two months since I last got one of your messages so I thought I'd call and whatever. I've mailed you some letters, even though my handwriting is just as shitty as my phone conversations, but I accidentally sent them to April's old apartment so I think that Vern guy who lives there now is probably thinking I'm some weirdo who's stalking him. I don't know. I just like letters more. You can mail whatever you want through the post office. I even got the fang on an anaconda sent to you. Shit, that means that Vern probably thinks I want to kill him. Whatever. At least now you know and maybe I'll try to get another one when I come up for Christmas. I don't know about Don, but Leo and dad are going to make it and I can always hitch on the back of a wagon or train to make it. Hobos do it all the time. I guess I'm considered a hobo since I live in a shack in a swamp. Bet you never saw that coming, huh? But it's nice out here. Quiet, save for all the fucking bugs. I'd go to somewhere cold, like Iceland, but then I'd be cold and I'd rather kill bugs than freeze my ass off. You would've loved this one bird I saw yesterday, it had wings the size of – "

_Beep. Beep_. _Beep._

* * *

"_Mike here, leave a message as long as you want because I check them every day and my inbox is never full. Hint, hint, dudes." _

"Oh my God, Mikey, where are you? I know that everybody has been calling you a lot, so I've tried to avoid leaving messages, but I'm getting really worried, hun. I just came back from the old lair and there is – Did you know where Klunk has been? I don't think you've been there for awhile. The place is – well, there's dust everywhere and I don't think you've been there for at least a month and I'm getting really scared. Please answer. I – I found Klunk, if you went looking for him. I'm sorry, baby, but he didn't make it. Casey found a nice little spot in Cavalry Cemetery to put him in. I'm so sorry I haven't been in touch, just with the baby and the new job – I lost track of time. I really did. I can't believe six months has passed by before I've talked to you. I've missed you all so much, I really have. You should see Shadow now, she's so big! I couldn't name her after any of you, so she just has Hamato as a middle name. Better than what Casey was trying to do, by putting all your names together for her middle name. Oh, please answer, Mikey. We're all so worried. I've told your brothers and dad and they will be here as soon as they can, okay? So I pray that you're okay and that you get this message and that I will see you soon. When you can, you can come visit me at this motel that we're staying at for the next few weeks. I'll text you the address. I love you so, so much and I'll make the biggest, most artery-clogging pizza that you've ever had! I promise, okay? So please come by, I love you, I love you, I love – "

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

* * *

**A/N - I... Yeah. I just don't know. This is something that I've never really done before, since it's not really... I don't know what this is. It's not really a "Dialogue-Fic" I don't think. What do you dudes think? I'm not sure what I would consider this, honestly. I hope it didn't seem too confusing since I really REALLY don't want to put "Leo's POV" "Raph's POV" Don's POV" "Mike's POV" and "April's POV." I just won't do it. I can only help that I was skilled enough as a writer to make it clear who is who. Heh. Anyways, wow... This is just depressing. I'm going to go eat ice cream and do the dishes now. HA HA HA HA HA. Maybe give my family members a call, for once.**

**A/N/N - If I subtly asked for you guys to "leave a message," what would happen? **


End file.
